Part 1: Freak flag

I don't really have much of a bucket list. I've never really been a risk taker.

There has been things that I've wanted to do, but fear or insecurity about what others might say has prevented me from flying my freak flag.

Yesterday,  I waved my freak flag today in a very minor way. I put pink and blue streaks in my hair (temporary, of course). I just felt like it. I always wanted to try it out, so I went for it. It was spontaneous, unlike me, and kinda neat. If I would have done this at 17 I don't think it would have mattered to me so much,seems typical for a 17 year old, but at 30, Katy perry'ing it up matters. It means that I don't give a fuck what others say or think about me. Took a long time to get here. That, my friends, is freedom.

 Go wave your freak flags, start small, then kick it up a fucking notch.







----------------> See the little bits of blue and pink?!------------------------------>

Cut yourself...

SOME SLACK!

Back to a topic near and dear, stress and anxiety.

Currently, I have many friends, including myself--boys and girls alike--who are stressed and anxious. There's nothing wrong with you; you just need to cut yourself some slack today. In our society, the strive for perfection is damning.

There is no true perfection, so no matter how hard you try, you can't really get to this goal--because the goal will change or not be as fulfilling as you thought.

 Granted there are some goals that can be attained, like losing weight, passing that test, finally getting over a certain specific anxiety, but you're allowed to take a really long time to get there. You do want you can and then try to let go. Change doesn't happen overnight, but things overall will work out. I know too many people who suffer setbacks and think that they'll never get better or get "there"--wherever "there" is.

Cut yourself some slack. Seriously.
Quit hyper-focusing on those things you wish to change. Accept whatever your current situation is.

There is a lesson in less than perfect situations. You are wonderful human beings, but while individually unique, the experiences around anxiety are not unique. Millions of people have anxiety--take comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

 Above all, believe in yourself. You are not broken. Take the time you need right now to get to that point of acceptance. From there you can move forward. Embrace the "setbacks" (they are not even setbacks, they are part of the journey) and celebrate how far you've made it. Believe in yourself; and when you think you can't, I'll do the believing for you. :)

Et tu, fruite?

Watermelon, who I thought was my friend, tried to kill me.

Last night, the ides of June, something just didn't sit right in my stomach and I threw up several times--and the main culprit was watermelon. Now, you've never thrown up watermelon until you've throw it up like me--specifically, when the majority travels up from your esophagus into your fucking nostrils: blowing my nose and seeing watermelon chunks on the tissue was pretty much not cool at all. Not to mention the subsequent brushing of my teeth which induced a bit more of vomiting (this time some of the banana remnants too).  And then again, a bit more watermelon. Apparently not only can I mono-eat the shit out of watermelon, I can (almost) mono-vomit it.

I went to bed, holding my stomach, finding a spot that was "comfortable" and was unable to move all night for fear of puke-fest. (Also, was it a dream that Boyz II Men is coming to the Valley Forge Casino or is this really happening? Or did this creep into my head because I was down on bended knee with my head over the toilet?)

Today, I barely ate anything worth eating. I ate salty pretzels, some strawberries, a larabar, and not much else, a little bit of jason's wawa veggie sandwich. My tummy still hurts.  I shall have my vengeance, watermelon.

Balls to the wall!!!!

I've been trying the raw vegan food thing for a week now, except I made up my own parameters: only 1 cooked meal a day. Needless to say, I fucked that up pretty quickly, but my intentions were pure.

Anyway, on my quest to be a food purist, I turned to "Living Raw Food" by Sarma Melngallis. She owns Pure Food and Wine in NYC and oneluckyduck.com (a fabulous vegan website full of expensive as shit vegan stuff...) Why, why must healthy shit be expensive? I can get doritos on sale for 3.99.  I get a 4 oz. bag of dehydrated raw flaxseed rosemary crackers for 14.00.

Anyway,  I made an entirely raw dinner that wasn't salad. I went balls to the wall bitches and made some zuccini "pasta." It wasn't pasta, I can't believe she even called it pasta in the book. I even broke out my shittastic plastic dehydrator.  Even more amazing, I forget to get some of the shit in the recipe and it still came out good.

Anyway, it was tomatoes (called for yellow heirloom, so I got red romas--makes sense, right?). I omitted the celery (eh, who needs it).  So, I made the Roma Tomato and lemon basil sauce with shallots, garlic, lemon juice, sea salt, evoo (that's what cool chefs call it), and basil.

Then I made the zucchini pasta. It was seriously just zucchini, red bell pepper (should have had a yellow pepper too, but I omitted that. Wanna know why? Because I didn't feel like spending any more money at the grocery store on some meal that was probably going to make me puke. )

But puke I did not.

However, ot trusting the zucchini raw, I threw the zucchini mix in the dehydrator for about an hour to "cook"  at 115 degrees.

Then I ate it the zucchini pasta with the sauce-- and it was more than edible, it was actually quite good. Even my husband ate some and said we should made a bigger batch. In my head, I'm like fuck, I don't want to do this again, takes too long and it's pricey. (Sigh...) But it's my goal to make him a psycho vegan, so his wish is my command.