Vegan Baby on it's way!

While I refrain from being mushy as much as possible, I think I'm going to indulge it a bit with this post--although it's also probably one of my more boring posts.

Today was one of the most incredible days of my life--though I did not for one second anticipate that happening. I'm officially 20 weeks pregnant and today we went for our  ultrasound.  I was scared out of my mind, with fears of missing limbs--or something else serious being wrong.  I basically woke up ready to vomit.

It was weird/creepy at first seeing that little "thing" move in there. The second the tech put that doppler thing on my stomach, the baby jumped.  Then she went and measured and monitored every feature. I saw brain hemispheres, kidneys, bladder, and stomach.  It's head is where I thought its feet were so this whole time when I've been feeling it, it has been its head and arms. (I'm sure this is boring the crap out of everyone reading this). It was a fiesty thing, moving about, turning back and forth, opening its mouth, lifting its arm in the air (well, in the fluid).  The doctor said that this was the kind of ultrasound anybody would hope for. :)

The 3D thing was something I didn't think I'd like, but it was amazing. It became so real. I hated pregnancy so far because I have been terrified of everything going on, my boobs getting bigger, gaining weight, not knowing what's normal, etc. I've had to back down on workouts, spend money on clothes, and really cut back on the negative talk and my hypochondria. Right now, I don't care about any of that because there's a baby in there and this body of mine is charged with taking care of its body.  I have stared at the pictures for pretty much the last 10 hours--and every time it's just as beautiful as the last.  It's really a miracle, a miracle I didn't understand until now--God knows what I'll feel like when it actually arrives!

We've imagined what it will look like, how it will be, what we will all do together as a family.
I couldn't be more excited about what's going on now and the person with whom I'm sharing this experience with (my husband...who is my #1).

It's a life changer, really--and it's not even here.

I am incredibly blessed and I know it;  I am thanking God pretty much every 5 seconds.

I'm too overwhelmed to really write and I've done a terrible job at capturing how I feel.  Life is good and I think I smiled while showering.

P.s. we're raising it vegan (a very major decision between my husband and I... that we made quickly and easily)

Meatheads and pretzels

I had the absolute privilege of being part of Crossfit Inspire's Dragonboat team this year.  The day was an ass kicker for those who paddled and a throat burner for those who screamed.

In our first race, we came in second--losing out on a spot in division A (thank God because in that division we would have gotten our asses handed to us). With our time, we safely secured our spot in Division B.  Out of 6 divisions, the second one ain't too shabby...considering as our Captain put it "we're just a bunch of meatheads from a gym."

In our second race, which was three godforsaken hours later, we won. Holy shit. I think this ignited a passion in all of us.  The day was tiring because we just sat around, socializing, drinking and eating. But we were re-invigorated.  We made it to the finals! Whhhhattt?

Finals comes along--we go balls to the wall and WIN.  Winning is so awesome. Winning is much better than losing. If I could win everyday I would.  We got progressively better throughout the day--and for chunks of time, we were in sync.  I think what worked particularly in our favor is that fact that we're used to physically keeping it going when we mentally want to quit.  And we are a bunch of competitive sons of bitches.

Anyway, the most memorable part of the whole day? Besides winning...it was getting to spend time with a group of kick ass peeps. I got to spend time with two of my closest girlfriends, bunch of cool friends that I work out with, and more exciting, a bunch of people I used to work out with :( It was great to see friends from Proven. I think I speak for everyone at Inspire when I say that we really miss you guys!!!!

Now the vegan portion of my blog:
I ate soft pretzels yesterday with full knowledge that the company uses whey as a dough conditioner. I just can't say no to a soft pretzel, I really can't. I'd love to say that I'd rather eat than starve, but there were apples, bananas, peanut butter crackers, almonds, etc, I just really wanted that fucking pretzel.  Moral of the story: it's tough sometimes being vegan...and I'm not perfect. Luckily, I don't claim to be.  But I wanted to be honest. No vegan high horse here.  From here, I just move on--and start making my vegan soft pretzels on a regular basis.

<---WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN GOOD???

Rawgust is dead, DEAD I tell you!

Well, Rawgust didn't work out quite so well for me. I'm abandoning shit..er, I mean ship.

The rawcrap that broke the camel's back is included.  My wonderful husband made me an anniversary meal to support my rawgust.  Take a lookie:

Breaded Eggplant with zucchini mix

Avocado Soup

Roasted Beets with Cashew Cheese

It looks so pretty doesn't it?

Well, it's VOMIT on a plate. In fact, Jason's stomach hasn't been right since.   The only thing slightly cooked was the eggplant. Five points if you guess which tasted the best.   The raw sauce was pretty good too.

But Rawgust taught me some things....

1) Dehydrated flaxseed chips are pretty good at regulating that digestive system

2) Nutritional yeast does taste like cheese if you close your eyes

3) Dehydrated buckwheat pizza crusts taste as fucking disgusting as they sound

So long, rawgust.  I wasn't quite as committed to you as I should be.  After all, I failed you on day 1. 

Good luck friends who are still rawgusting. 

Rawgust 1, 2012

I'm totally copying off of Optimal Health Mama's blog today.  :)

Anyway, I'm going raw (or as raw as possible) for 30 days. That means trying a bunch of new stuff, working my way out of my comfort zone, and seeing what satiety feels like this way. It also means that I can cheat without feeling guilty. If it's not working for me, I'm going to add in what I need.

 People have asked me why I'm doing it and to tell you the truth I don't even have a good answer. I doing it mainly because I love being healthy, some of my friends are doing it,  and additionally, I need that push to try new things.  In that latter regard, day 1 has been a slam dunk.

Breakfast

Yummy in my tummy

Vitamix made..
2 small Bananas
2 Tbsp Ground Flaxseed
1 large bunch of spinach
1 large handful of kale
10 strawberries
1/2 cup blueberries
1 scoop of sunwarrior warrior blend protein powder
1/2 cup of chocolate almond milk

Snack
Mindless grazing on a trail mix with nuts, seeds, dates

Lunch
Large Salad with red peppers, sunflower seeds, a few raisins, carrots, and raw cashew italian dressing

Flaxseed Crackers..
Anyone make their own??

Raw sesame yam noodles
a few flaxseed crackers

Snack
Mindless grazing on a trail mix with nuts, seeds, and dates

Dinner
young coconut water with 1 scoop of sunwarrrior protein powder b/c I'm too stuffed to eat anything else.

So if I look over my day, it's pretty high in fat. But also pretty high in awesome. I went to Oasis Living Cuisine, a raw foodie place, and picked up the flaxseed crackers, the cashew creamy italian dressing, and the sesame yam noodles. Amazing. But most of all I'm just proud of myself that I tried this new stuff. Next on my list, their raw avocado key lime pie, and their zucchini pasta.  Apparently, what I need in my life is a spiral vegetable peeler. I looked online and the best ones are like $800. WTF.  That's a vitamix and a half.

Anyway, for day 2, I'm going to try to cut back on so many darn fats. But I have no idea what to replace with them! Share your raw meal ideas with me!! Pretty, pretty please!!!

Chasing Amy

I haven't blogged in a while.  I feel like Holden in Chasing Amy who says he hasn't had anything personal to say. Like Silent Bob, I'll briefly break my silence--but I'll also promise you that what I say won't be mind blowing.

I've been vegan for over 6 months now. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I'm working out and making gains, I'm maintaining a healthy weight, I'm getting enough protein, etc.  Now am I ripped? Are my abs lean, am I cut, am I freakin tight? No. Rest assured it has nothing to do with my diet; It's because I don't give two shits about looking like a fitness model. I have neither the time nor the ambition (but applaud those that do).

I think about how 6 months ago naysayers questioned when I would plateau. I plateaued just like everyone else. And like everyone else, I fought through it and came out stronger. Bring it.

Which reminds me: I didn't go vegan for fitness or looks. I went vegan for compassion. Everyday that I don't eat animal products is a commitment that I am making to the earth and to my soul.   I'm hoping that my commitment inspires a commitment in others, even just one person, to try to go vegan. If you can open your heart to it, I promise it will be a fulfilling journey.

Told you I didn't have much to say.

Part 1: Freak flag

I don't really have much of a bucket list. I've never really been a risk taker.

There has been things that I've wanted to do, but fear or insecurity about what others might say has prevented me from flying my freak flag.

Yesterday,  I waved my freak flag today in a very minor way. I put pink and blue streaks in my hair (temporary, of course). I just felt like it. I always wanted to try it out, so I went for it. It was spontaneous, unlike me, and kinda neat. If I would have done this at 17 I don't think it would have mattered to me so much,seems typical for a 17 year old, but at 30, Katy perry'ing it up matters. It means that I don't give a fuck what others say or think about me. Took a long time to get here. That, my friends, is freedom.

 Go wave your freak flags, start small, then kick it up a fucking notch.







----------------> See the little bits of blue and pink?!------------------------------>

Cut yourself...

SOME SLACK!

Back to a topic near and dear, stress and anxiety.

Currently, I have many friends, including myself--boys and girls alike--who are stressed and anxious. There's nothing wrong with you; you just need to cut yourself some slack today. In our society, the strive for perfection is damning.

There is no true perfection, so no matter how hard you try, you can't really get to this goal--because the goal will change or not be as fulfilling as you thought.

 Granted there are some goals that can be attained, like losing weight, passing that test, finally getting over a certain specific anxiety, but you're allowed to take a really long time to get there. You do want you can and then try to let go. Change doesn't happen overnight, but things overall will work out. I know too many people who suffer setbacks and think that they'll never get better or get "there"--wherever "there" is.

Cut yourself some slack. Seriously.
Quit hyper-focusing on those things you wish to change. Accept whatever your current situation is.

There is a lesson in less than perfect situations. You are wonderful human beings, but while individually unique, the experiences around anxiety are not unique. Millions of people have anxiety--take comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

 Above all, believe in yourself. You are not broken. Take the time you need right now to get to that point of acceptance. From there you can move forward. Embrace the "setbacks" (they are not even setbacks, they are part of the journey) and celebrate how far you've made it. Believe in yourself; and when you think you can't, I'll do the believing for you. :)

Et tu, fruite?

Watermelon, who I thought was my friend, tried to kill me.

Last night, the ides of June, something just didn't sit right in my stomach and I threw up several times--and the main culprit was watermelon. Now, you've never thrown up watermelon until you've throw it up like me--specifically, when the majority travels up from your esophagus into your fucking nostrils: blowing my nose and seeing watermelon chunks on the tissue was pretty much not cool at all. Not to mention the subsequent brushing of my teeth which induced a bit more of vomiting (this time some of the banana remnants too).  And then again, a bit more watermelon. Apparently not only can I mono-eat the shit out of watermelon, I can (almost) mono-vomit it.

I went to bed, holding my stomach, finding a spot that was "comfortable" and was unable to move all night for fear of puke-fest. (Also, was it a dream that Boyz II Men is coming to the Valley Forge Casino or is this really happening? Or did this creep into my head because I was down on bended knee with my head over the toilet?)

Today, I barely ate anything worth eating. I ate salty pretzels, some strawberries, a larabar, and not much else, a little bit of jason's wawa veggie sandwich. My tummy still hurts.  I shall have my vengeance, watermelon.

Balls to the wall!!!!

I've been trying the raw vegan food thing for a week now, except I made up my own parameters: only 1 cooked meal a day. Needless to say, I fucked that up pretty quickly, but my intentions were pure.

Anyway, on my quest to be a food purist, I turned to "Living Raw Food" by Sarma Melngallis. She owns Pure Food and Wine in NYC and oneluckyduck.com (a fabulous vegan website full of expensive as shit vegan stuff...) Why, why must healthy shit be expensive? I can get doritos on sale for 3.99.  I get a 4 oz. bag of dehydrated raw flaxseed rosemary crackers for 14.00.

Anyway,  I made an entirely raw dinner that wasn't salad. I went balls to the wall bitches and made some zuccini "pasta." It wasn't pasta, I can't believe she even called it pasta in the book. I even broke out my shittastic plastic dehydrator.  Even more amazing, I forget to get some of the shit in the recipe and it still came out good.

Anyway, it was tomatoes (called for yellow heirloom, so I got red romas--makes sense, right?). I omitted the celery (eh, who needs it).  So, I made the Roma Tomato and lemon basil sauce with shallots, garlic, lemon juice, sea salt, evoo (that's what cool chefs call it), and basil.

Then I made the zucchini pasta. It was seriously just zucchini, red bell pepper (should have had a yellow pepper too, but I omitted that. Wanna know why? Because I didn't feel like spending any more money at the grocery store on some meal that was probably going to make me puke. )

But puke I did not.

However, ot trusting the zucchini raw, I threw the zucchini mix in the dehydrator for about an hour to "cook"  at 115 degrees.

Then I ate it the zucchini pasta with the sauce-- and it was more than edible, it was actually quite good. Even my husband ate some and said we should made a bigger batch. In my head, I'm like fuck, I don't want to do this again, takes too long and it's pricey. (Sigh...) But it's my goal to make him a psycho vegan, so his wish is my command.

Wet

No, this isn't about the mary jane or ky. It's about rain.

Tonight I went outside in the rain and stood in it. I don't even know why. But it felt fantastic, like being a kid again with zero cares. The air was warm, the rain was heavy and steady, I was in my flip flops and I didn't give a shit at all. I remember jumping around in puddles when I was a kid like a lunatic, barefoot, silly, by myself, and totally at peace.

How many of us are afraid to get our feet wet, who run through the rain trying to get out of it?  In life, we ironically spend all this time trying to avoid the one thing that might make us feel pretty fantastic.

Moral: Go get out there in the rain. Enjoy it. Grab a kite.

Hell, go crazy and put a key on the end of it.

50 shades of watermelon

I've got a ton of crap to write about, but it's all swirling in my head. I'll get the anecdotes down a little later. So this is just a quick recipe interlude and not a homage to that book, despite my clever post title, that I am avoiding reading because everyone else is just loving it.  And might I add that the synopsis sounds like the movie Secretary.

Watermelon-a.k.a. my favorite most gorgeously delicious fruit- has made its debut in my post workout smoothie. When I picked them up in the grocery store the other day, I carried two of the mini ones right up high. And you guessed it, everyone was staring at my...(wait for it, wait for it)...MELONS.

50 shades of watermelon smoothie
About 2 cups watermelon
About 5 mint leaves
A few drops of organic maple syrup
1/8 cup of soy milk
About 1 cup of water
1 scoop of sunwarrior protein powder
1 tsp of bad writing
1/2 tsp of soft core stuff
1/8 tsp of twilight fanaticism

Blend and adjust to your liking, but trust me that if you feel anything liquid and smoldering combusting in your belly, it's not desire, Ms. Steele, it's all that fiber.  (FYI-I just directly mocked some of the shitty writing in that book.)

Enjoy.

How to never eat pizza again

If you love pizza, I can cure you. Order a vegan pizza. It has daiya cheese on it. It taste like what I would imagine monkey shit would taste like, like chalk white monkey shit.mIt's so bad that you won't even crave a regular pizza anymore. It's back to tomato pie. Thanks for the birthday wishes all. It's been the best day, due to the wonderfulness of many people. Except Now Jason is burping up "cheese," trying not to puke, and my tummy hurts. He said his burps taste like cardboard that just came out of the dishwasher. Friends, go get some birthday boom boom in my honor cause today ain't my "daiya." Bon apetit!

twenty nine bottles of beer on the wall

It's the last day of my twenties and it's really got me thinking. I think I was a bit upset at first (is that an understatement?) but I have to admit that this was the best year of my life.  I can qualify that statement with a chain of events that really began in the last 6 months of 2011. (WTF was I doing the first 6 months, I don't know).

• It all started with my new job this year, which I love and which suits me perfectly and at which I met hilariously awesome people
• which led me to crossfit, where I not only met hilariously awesome people who changed my fitness goals and perspective on female body image
• which led me to meet someone who proved that I too could be vegan & strong
• which led me to going vegan for 30 days through Peace Advocacy Network
• which led me to going fully vegan and reshaping the definition of who I wanted to be
• which led me to my personal definition of social responsibility
• which led me to volunteer work with organizations that mean a lot to me
• which led me to an overall sense of satiety with the direction of my life

I've broken some barriers and learned to let go. I've put me first. I've made conscious decisions about who I want to be and what I want my mark to be. I've tried new things and was pleasantly surprised. I failed,  but learned. I've been unapologetic, yet careful. I kept old dear friends and made new dear friends. I've laughed more than ever. I've been psycho migraine free. I've started writing again. I've managed not to acquire another cat.

I doubt ten years ago that this would be where I would picture myself (well 3 cats, maybe), but that matters not: this is where I'm supposed to be.

Thanks to everyone in my life--the oldies but goodies, and the much cherished newbies. Dirty thirty will be even better because of you.  So, put one up and throw away that cup, thirty bottles of beer on the wall.... (I'm not a drinker, people)

<3

Hippie Soap

A dark red rash all over one's arms is super sexy, right?  Grr, my hippie soap gave me a dark itchy rash.  Now while it was only all over my arms is due to the fact that midway through washing, I decided for some reason to switch back over to my olive oil soap.  The odd thing is that the soap was oatmeal based--you know, oatmeal...the thing that they tell you to use on a freakin rash.  Two benadryls later I was passed out, blissfully unaware of my welty arms.  Let's just say thank God I didn't use the hippie soap on all those other bits and pieces of the body.... Afterwards, I tried to use coconut oil as my cure-all, but that didn't really work and yes, against my dogma, I went straight for the chemically laden Aveeno. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

The moral of the story is: when you switch to a new soap, don't scrub those hard to reach places.  Go for the arms, test it out there first, then try again the next day. After all, you really don't want it to look like you've got the herps.

Migraine bonanza

It's been 364 days since my last mindfuck of a migraine. And I'm talking blind in one eye, left arm and left side of face and tongue numb, stroke-like migraine. I debated writing this blog on the near anniversary of my last big one, but I decided not to give in to superstition and even refrain from knocking on wood about this.

My last mindfuck of a migraine was so bad it sent me to the hospital. I pretty much had a panic attack from being blind in one eye for what seemed like an eternity. In reality, it was probably an hour. MRI showed no massive tumor. What I had was a migraine bonanza going off in my head. All those little blood vessels acting like little bitches.

So to what do I owe this pleasant regression in migraines? No clue. And I'm not about to go exploring the reason why. My new healthful mental lifestyle (crossfit, thanks for a better body image) and veganism (inner peace) keeps me pretty satiated. The people I am around positively reek positivity. That's infectious and apparently strong enough to beat the shit out of those blood vessels.

Do I knock on wood or do I accept that on day 365 I could actually get one of those migraine mindfucks? Since knocking on wood is self doubt, I'm going to go with the latter--and I hope you do the same in times when you are anxious, or doubting yourself. Accept what is-and what may be--but don't let it be a little bitch and mess you up. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to do that for a whole 364 days--and then some.

Variety is the spice of fights

And the biggest fight of all is peanut butter v. almond butter....

Which tastes better?  Well, veggiesluts, pale-hoes, regardless of where you are in your lifestyle choices, I've come to the conclusion that almond butter wins.

Almond butter won in about round 8. At first it wasn't so yummy. I was historically obsessed with natural peanut butter. I could go through a jar of that shit in half a week.  Then yesterday, I ate a bit of peanut butter and bleeeeckkkk....

I was turned on to almond butter by my primal buddies.  Their reasoning for eating almond butter is because it's un-processed and paleos don't consume legumes due to the fact that in their natural state they aren't edible. Totally get it, makes sense--totally don't even give a fuck what anybody's reasoning is because almond butter is so magnificently yummy. In fact, I personally believe everyone should be scarfing this down until they shit almond meal. Almond butter is superior in taste.  Why have I not been eating this sooner?!

Of course, I am totally breaking all the rules since my almond butter isn't raw; it's dry roasted unblanched almonds by Woodstock. It's unsalted and full of pieces of heaven. A bit crunchy, a bit smokey. I could write a freakin' sonnet about it.  It's yummy on a pear, it's the perfect addition to my morning green-protein smoothie, it's best in 3 tbsp being shoveled down my throat.

Here are some other health benefits of almond butter
1) Chock full of monosaturated fats, which reduces cholesterol, and helps protect your heart <3
2) Lowers blood pressure. If  #1 happens, # 2 tends to happen. Additionally, almond butter has minerals calcium, magnesium, and potassium which work as a unit to maintain healthy blood pressure
3) Helps control blood sugar levels
4) Has lots of antioxidants...vitamin E and flavanoids
5) Helps with weight control...people who consume nuts are less likely to be overweight than those who don't.
...So studies have shown...although with my blissful over-consumption, I'm bound to pack it on.

The cult.

I take back my last blog. That mega millions jackpot would have been pretty freakin sweet in my hands. Damn it.  All that rambling bullshit was ...bullshit.

I'd like to say hello to a new frenemy Lulu,  (lemon to be exact).  With lulu's prices you'd think I won the mega millions.  Yep, what a fuckin poser I am-- swearing I would never forsake target and (when I splurge) underarmour, maybe a lil nike, I blame someone (ahem, SARAH) for introducing me to the fuckin greatest workout tank top in the world: the "chase me" tank.  I dare you, I double dare you, to try this tank on and not like it. And bonus, the little cinching that you can do...omg, can we say "where'd ya go, fat rolls?!" And the little fat rolls cry, "wee wee wee, mama we hit the road" (until you un-cinch, then they're back with a furious vengeance.)

The lululemon store is positively evil. It's adorable, well organized, and they have all these workout headbands that are overpriced 100%, yet at the checkout I had to enforce a great deal of restraint too not buy one.  Even the bag they give you is reusable and motivational. F u lululemon and your cute tactics.

Ugh, I'm assuming that the kool-aid flavor I'm about to consume is lemon, correct? 

Shakespeare says: "To have what we would have, we speak not what we mean"

The mega millions lotto is high( 640M to be exact ) and frankly, I love when these days happen.  You hear the buzz! All the talk about what people would do with 640M... I think winning that kind of money, 1/2 that money, 1/4 of that money, while very awesome, would be freakin' frightening.

Sure, you can quit your job. You can shop your ass off. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. You can travel all over the world.  Bentley? check. Mansion? check. Hair did every 4 weeks? check. Trip to Tahiti, Portugal, Maui? check. 500 cats cuddling in your big ass cat sanctuary? check. (allergies. check.)

But then what? Imagine coming to the ultimate conclusion that you have it all.  The next step is then to ask "what do you have to give."  You'd have to be the person who finds out what they truly love to do--and then do it-- really do it. 640M means get up off your ass and make a difference, doesn't it? Do any of us know what would really rock our boat? What would really make us feel like we were leaving a legacy? What do you love, really love, to do?

I think I'd start a humongous animal shelter, I think I'd give 10,000 needy people 10,000 dollars each (look how cheap i am). I think I'd go back to school, major in nutrition and then become a vegan nutritionist.  I think I'd do a lot of shit, but how does one go about identifying the one thing that they really love to do?    And would that be enough. Would it simultaneously self-satisfy and serve a greater purpose....

This is why we need the lottery. We need to exercise creative scenarios like this to discover who we are, ask questions, deep dive, rationalize and re-create.  It's emotional, intense, and potentially character defining:  for about 2 minutes, we can be infinitely generous.  It's exciting, it's unthinkable.  For 2 minutes, we can be infinitely greedy. It's self-serving, it's excessive, it's maybe a bit wicked.  We aren't sharing those thoughts though, huh. Hence the blog title.

Hmm, could one argue that maybe not winning the lottery is, in fact, the lucky part of it all for some of us?

scurvy-licious

Stomach. issues. are. not. fun.

Everything's been fine and dandy over here in vegan world, then BAM, out of the blue, pretty (well not so pretty) insane digestive issues popped up.  I thought I had a bug. No bug. I thought maybe I was pregnant? Nope, no baby. Sorry, mom and dad.

Instead, what I had were some digestive disturbances that were making me way cranky. What to do? Well, I waited it out and it did me no good. I figured that I must have a food allergy that's popping up.   Did I have a gluten allergy? Did I have a carageenan allergy? Did I have a soy allergy?  Worse, ahh, is this some crazy manifestation of cancer?

So I consulted with family first. Of course, I'm told that I need to start eating eggs.  Really? What the fuck is an egg going to do?  Then I was told to re-think my veganism.  Not an option right now. It's a little early in the game to be calling it quits.

Then, I consulted with someone who knows some shit.  She started dishing it out to me homeopathic style. She told me to think about the way I eat. Track my intake with a food diary and record how I feel. She also gave me a great tip about separating the fruit I eat from the rest of the food I eat.  Give it a good 20 minutes in between. Eat the fruit first, otherwise it just ferments on top of all that other shit in your body.

I took it a step further.  I started questioning what non-vegans do to regulate their systems. Act-iv-ia...(sing it like in the commerical) came to mind. Activia has probiotics. None of what I eat does.  Hmm, now I'm on to something.

(Enter stage left): Raw sauerkraut, wearing a leather jacket and bangle bracelets. Bad ass motherf'er raw sauerkraut. Raw sauerkraut, not cooked like yall do on new year's day, but cabbage and salt that ferments, is a real superfood. If you were a sailor and didn't want to be scurvy-licious, the good probiotics--the good bacteria--protected you on long voyages. It's pleasant on the stomach too. Fermentation makes vegetables easier to digest.

So far so good. Raw sauerkraut is helping. Separating my fruit intake is helping. Any other tips out there folks?

P.s. I've been eating Bubbie's raw sauerkraut. It's delicious. I literally guzzle the brine and make those probiotics my bitch!

Boy scout this, bitches!

Be prepared! Right? That's what those little tykes say in their back packs and uniforms as they hike around looking for birds, earning patches, eating grass, or whatever they do.   Be prepared!

At the flower show last thursday, I was a bad boy scout. I was not prepared.  I was hangry...you know...so hungry that you're angry? That was me. I brought a tiny cute cross body bag to hold my stuff.  I was in the city, I didn't want shit to get swiped on the train (maybe that's a bit of suburban preparedness).  In my cute cross body bag, however, was NOT my typical snacks...larabar, nuts, etc.  1:30, I thought, hmm, I probably should have brought a snack, I'm a bit hungry. 1:45...popped a piece of gum in my mouth. Around 2:00, all hell broke lose inside my head. Hanger had struck. I was like a wild animal ferociously looking for food. And let me tell you, there was food :ice cream, doritos, really really creepy old fruit salad, there was chocolate bars.  None of it, except for the disgusting mold fruit salad, was vegan.  FUCK. I walked from stand to stand, looked at every cookie, every pastry, not a damn thing I could consume.  2:30, I was ready to renounce veganism.

Then around 2:45, Like the parting of the red sea, the crowd opened and a light shone down. I walked towards the light, the pretzel stand. The dude couldn't confirm if the pretzels contained butter (folks-news flash, a lot of pretzels do), but he was able to radio the god of the pretzel stands who confirmed that they were vegan.) Hallelujah. I ate a pretzel. Calmness returned.

Moral of the story: I learned ABC: Always Be Carrying (a larabar).

Vegan Porn

Paleo-vegans alike, good news. There's almond meal feta, which I daresay is betta than the intestine-hardening qualities of regular feta cheese.  Really, who doesn't want to shit right for a week? (movie quote alert!)  In fact, I'm watching my husband spread the vegan creaminess on a roasted tomato.  He doesn't want to admit that it's damn good, but it is.

Anyway, I cannot take credit for the recipe. I found it on this fantastic page called maplespice.com. Kind of sounds "porny" and it basically is,  it is mouthwatering vegan food porn.

So the recipe calls for
1 1/2 cups of almond meal (leftover from your almond milk attempts!)
3 tbsp olive oil
1 1/4 tsp salt
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup water
2 minced garlic cloves

Blend all that shit together. ( I actually had to use a little bit more water b/c my craptastic blender wouldn't blend). Wrap it in about 2 layers of cheesecloth and let it drain over a bowl for about 12 hours. I didn't get much drainage though.
Unwrap it, put it in a baking dish, and baked for about 60 minutes at 350 degrees until it gets browned.

Then eat.

Voila. Tastes like heaven. I no longer need to crave cheese. This hits the spot. Ohhh yea baby. Vegan soy free cheese porn for your mouth!

****
Here's the website: http://www.maplespice.com/search?q=almond+feta

Doomsday Prepping

It's saturday night.  I'm dehydrating bananas. Who am I?

Let's backtrack. My husband has me watching episode after episode of doomsday preppers. He finds their ingenuity impressive and comincal.  I find it all ...a ..little...bit...creepy. Creepy enough that now I feel like I'm missing the mark. I can't tell you when doomsday is, but I sure as hell can tell you if there was a serious global/north american issue, I'd be f'd.  Not that I'm worried about it, but I can't help but think that either a) these people are fucking nuts or b) dammit they are smart and I wish I was part of their doomsday co-op.

From doomsday preppers, I've learned that I need a shitton of bullets to kill everyone trying to take over my foodstuffs. I've learned that a EMP can wipe out all electronics and that for longer than I'd like I'd be unable to access facebook.  I've learned that these people store enough food to last them a year or longer.  Have you ever looked in our refrigerator? We're so cheap we only buy food for exactly one week.  Our pantry is pathetic, our canned good stash is small and probably outdated, I can't rebuild my computer and I sure as hell can't shoot a gun without closing my eyes. We are screwed in this household.

I officially bought two gallons of water today at the grocery store. And a little extra cat food. And a few cans of vegetarian baked beans. I thought I'd play it safe. Maybe we won't see doomsday, but there may be a time when our water filter breaks and we all know I can't do tap water.

No ammo yet, but if you fuckers are coming after doomsday, I promise you that the two cans of baked beans..well,  I'm eating them the second an EMP hits, I'm drinking my two gallons of water, and I'm loading my gun.  I'd suggest staying away because chances are with my aim I won't kill you, but I'd probably shoot off your pinky toe or nads.  But that won't happen, because if I keep watching the show, I'll probably fence my whole house in with barbed wire and have look-out stations.

 What about you? Did doomsday preppers freak you out?

Ding! My doomsday banana chip dessert is done-zo!

Anxiety is an annoying little bitch

Typically, I sleep like a log, but from time to time my stress levels increase and then BAM, I'm up all night anxious, with my mind at full speed, and a pit in my stomach over some worries. Usually, it's a slow acquisition of stressors (family, work) or just things that in general bother me (animal abuse, mean people who murder, etc.)  That was me last night, couldn't sleep, couldn't get comfy, couldn't shut off my head.

And you know what the biggest anxious stressor of all was?  Sleep--or the lack of.

We're taught that we NEED sleep, we NEED 7 1/2 hours/night OR you are subject to a plethora of  health issues including but not limited to: obesity, memory loss, low immunity, increased stress, heart attacks, strokes, not to mention the magazines tell you that you will look fucking ugly without it. So, the general population, on top of having real stress is now stressed about not being able to sleep...and when you start to stress about not sleeping, guess what? You don't fall asleep.  Motherf'er! Anxiety is an annoying little bitch who likes to steal everyone's sleep, life, man, whatever.

When these episodes hit, I typically journal some happy stuff, or stressors that are bothering me along with some solutions, read a stupid mindless book, and recite mantras like "I accept my current situation" and "I'll be okay no matter how much rest I get" and "The point is to relax, not to sleep" to keep me from getting annoyed/frustrated/further stressed.  If I fall asleep, great...if I don't, then I have to accept that too.  The next day, though, I'm always slightly worried that I'll have the same trouble again.  MORE anxiety. I journal, refocus my thoughts on happy things only, read, think mantra, and try to live in the "now."Eventually, I get back on track--and so will you.

I share this with you b/c I've talked to many people who are embarrassed about their sleeping/anxiety issues--it's so ridiculously common. The number of people with sleeping issues/stress/anxiety are high, in the tens of millions. You're not alone. And chances are, when you're up at night, stressing over the day, worried b/c you can't sleep, there are about 45 million other people out there with you (hell, I might be one of them).  You'll be okay no matter what.  I made it through basically a 6 month period of little to no sleep due to stress/anxiety over sleeping so I promise you that you can overcome it. It was tough, but I learned a lot about tools that work for me to control my anxiety (creating mantras you believe in, acceptance, journaling, breathing in and out...etc.)

What do you do to relax at night?

Stay away from acid, kids.

Who would have thought that vegan chocolate chip cookies would be an epic fail? What, you were expecting that the applesauce-almond milk concoction would be heavenly? Yeah, me too. Well, it's not. They taste like shit. But I guess that's okay because I really, really do not need to be eating that crap.

Acidity and Alkalinity is a topic of which I'm gaining interest. Basically, there's been a lot of research done on the body's PH. Foods are classified as either alkaline or acidic.  And americans in particular eat a ton of acidic foods (packaged foods, wheat, junk food, animal protein). So what, right? Well, without the balance, you can have a slow-forming plethora of health problems (cancers?) and/or immediate issues (heart burn, water retention, insomnia, etc.) So, my goal is to up my foods that are alkaline and try to obtain a 4:1 ratio of alkaline to acidic.

The big question is how the f am I going to do that? Not quite sure yet.

Here's a website I've been referencing for a list of foods that are alkaline and acidic http://www.advancedhealthplan.com/foods.html

I'm a big fan of balance: work/life balance, balance on the yoga mat, mental balance, balance in the swimming pool so that either my eyes are not burned out of my head or I'm not swimming in a cess pool.  So, why wouldn't balance in the body via foods be important? I'm sold.

And for the record, those disgusting vegan chocolate chip cookies are way acidic. And hot lemon water with cayenne pepper, totally alkaline!

Well, go get yourself some balance baby, and stay away from acid.

signing off.

The Vegan Song. This took me a while so your asses better read it.

(Sung to the tune of Adam Sandler's hanukkah song..duh...it's not totally perfect)

There's a lot of meat eating songs out there (not really--but I gotta sell my point) but there definitely aren't too many about veganism, so I wrote a song for all those nice little vegan kids.  

Put away your mayonnaise

It's time to spread the vegan craze

Vegan craze is --everything you're not

We're a pain in the ass at parties

and won't eat aaaanything you got

When you feel like the only kid in town

with a toe-furkey

here's a list of people who are vegan

just like you and meeeeeeee:

Ellen D. eats coconut ice cream 

before she has to dash

Alec Baldwin gets high off raw vegan cacao nibs 

in his marijuana stash

Guess who drinks kale smoothies at the local organic juice bar?

Moby, Steve-O, and Ben's Afflecks little bro...and other weirdos near and far

Zooey Deschanel almost sings vegan, but Sinead O'Connor just may  beat her  
put them together in a sing-off, what a quirky adorkable (and f'd up cause of Sinead) singing plant eater. 

You don't need to buy a burger or hot dog with all your bills
Cause you can rob a Beatle, eat a salad, and go  dancing with Heather Mills 

Put away your mayonnaise

Alicia Silverstone's mock egg salad will amaze
Weird ass Tom Cruise-- not our fault he's lame!
But guess who is veeg... Mike Tyson! ( but, um,  your ears are fair game) eek



We got fit Russell Simmons and Portia Di Rossi, well she's not flabby
Mayim Bialik's vegan--Blossom, you ain't too shabby! 

Some people think that david hassellhoff eats faux german meat dinners
Well, he doesn't, but guess who does: two american idol past winners (carrie and ruben)

So few vegans are in show biz

Al Pacino isn't but I heard Al Yankovic is   (he's addicted to spuds)

Tell your friend Susan Mays, it's time you celebrate the vegan craze
I hope I get an expensive ass vitamix-aze, on this lovely, lovely vegan craze. 

So eat your faux pork sandwich with vegan-naise, and shit on the toilet more than thrice a days
If you really, really wanna-aze, have a happy, happy, happy, happy 
vegan craze!


Happy vegan crazy everyone!

Can I smell your armpit?

Changes are coming and some are here and some are nigh.

• First, notice the blog name change. I'm past the 30 day vegan challenge, so the the title had to be readjusted, and apparently readjusted to a lame toy story theme.
• I am no longer going to talk about shit.  Topic officially flushed.
• I am releasing my angry moody vegan mode (for now, well except for this morning). Must be all that D3 I'm overdosing on. Can you be addicted to vitamins?  Speaking of which, fellow vegans, where are you getting your B12? Do I need to go sublingual with the pill or spray?
• I am PISSED about my HDL.  PISSED. We had a biometric screening at work the other day and motherfucker my HDL isn't tip top optimal (60 and above). It's 56. I'm mad. 40 and above is considered great. I'm looking to be beyond great. All I eat are fucking plants all day plus I work out, so what the hell, HDL? 
•  I smell. Tom's natural deodorant is not working. I smelled a fellow vegan's armpit today as she makes her own deod. It didn't smell after a tough workout. I'm impressed. But I'm more impressed that she didn't think I was weird when I said "can I smell your armpit."

Well I'm signing off :  I've got some changes to make, and bad habits to break, from natural living products to finding vitamins that make sure my vegan diet provides me with what I need.  I got HDL to raise and deodorant to concoct in my kitchen. Lover, beware: I'm going to smell like a bum's nutsack until then.   

Vegan Pledge who cares: cupid, horses, and a crush it truck

Dude. I'm feeling good. I'm feelin' so good that I am going to forget today's wod and how I couldn't drive the "crush it truck" through those dubz. I also wimped out on the weight today because I couldn't get the form right.  But I'm still feelin' good and I'm okay with brushin' it off. I'll dominate it next time, self, I promise. :)

I think I want to set the record straight to my fellow carnivorous friends. Guess what? I like you! I really do. The other day a friend said "I have to eat meat " and then threw a genuine "sorry" in there. I wanted to hug this person and say "it's cool, dude!-- You're a good person and I'm not judging you." Cause I'm not. A few posts ago I got all crazy and judgmental for a hot minute, but after what I watched at vegan church, I was passionate and upset. Can we agree to forget about those psycho posts?  I'm not saddling up the high horse! ...as long as you promise not to eat the horse meat.

What did I learn though? High and mighty makes you low and lonely.  In everything you do...whether it be at work, at a wod, or at the dinner table. Gotta keep it cool.  After all, we're in the month of love--let's make sure we remember that!

I'm waiting for a that little nekkid Cupid to hit my love and myself with an arrow.  I dare Cupid to try to land that arrow in my rock solid crossfit ass  (i wish!).  I'd either like a vitamix (not gonna happen) or a nook from Mr. Cupid.  Truth is we're probably not going to do much of anything since the hubs has a liver contusion from sparring; the meds aren't working and he can't sleep at night due to pain. He's miserable and I think if Cupid showed up, he'd punch Cupid in his chubby face.  And I'm okay with him punching a flying creepy cherubim baby, as long as the nook doesn't get broken.

Signing off.

Vegan Pledge Days 28-30 (I think): Hot Hegans Wanted

I feel forced to write and fill the world in on my vegan journey, though I've got squat to say. I'm working on my grand finale, which isn't going so well from a creative perspective. I need to enlist the help of some oddly-minded peeps.  Any takers? You need to be able to rhyme.

Anyway, I'd like to say that I'm officially there (there=vegan), still happily married to a man who insists on proclaiming that he's "practicing veganism" rather than a self declaration of "i'm vegan" and have successfully found ways to healthfully pig out vegan-style. The husband made homemade vegan soft pretzels (earth balance butter sticks, bitches! hydrogenated crap in bars, but it ain't an animal product) I can only imagine the plethora of soft pretzel vegan concoctions that I can create going forward: spicy pretzels, peanut butter flavored pretzels, cinnamon raisin pretzels, tofu infused pretzels, tvp pretzels, kale-spinach-shit pretzels...(an inside joke that's no longer funny, but I'm still exploiting it).

Back to celery and deprivation. I'm so beyond 20 spinach leaves in my smoothie that it's redunkulous.  I'm kale'in it up mofos.  I like my smoothie green and mean and chunky. Boy oh boy, isn't that a change from day 1.  I'm chewin these smoothies up (and shittin them out.) Shameless.  But, how regular are you? Think about it. I could run a nuclear powerplant with this regularity.  There's a sense of pride there. Is dairy keeping you all bound up and intestinely tied up for days? IBS? I be stupid for eating dairy--yes, dairy is the devil.  Dairy prevents ker-plops. Ker-plops=happiness.

Oh my god, how did I forget this all important topic? There is a minority of male celebrity vegans or as they are charmfully called "Hegans" out there.  I've looked at the list of celebrity Hegans and they are pretty much f'ing weirdos:

Some Hegans that I will accept
1) Jared Leto....too much guy liner for me, but super awesome and brooding in my so-called life
2) Tobey Maguire....not really "hot" but seems relatively normal, never bought him as spiderman though (spiderman...scott...the spiderman?!)
3) Joaquin Phoenix...went crazy with his bearded rap...good performance in gladiator though
4) Barry White (I love him so he makes the list) can do no wrong.
5) Moby...weird. dude. I like him though, except when he partnered with Gwen. Go away Gwen.

Hegans to run from
1) Tyson ( i love how he'll rip your ear off with his teeth, but he won't eat eggs, but he does a nice cover of phil)
2) Sinead O'Connor (nothing compares to how much she is a f'ing wack job--I vote to kick her out of the vegan club)

Who would star in your hot hegan of the month calendar?  

signing off

Vegan Pledge Day 23: Nickelback in the hands of an angry vegan

So I'm back up in the game, little spiders. No angry vegan diatribe tonight. I'm happy, well rested, have swallowed yesterday's information and can now fully function in the world.  My apologies for the wrath of judgment I bestowed upon you yesterday.  I have this image of me up on the pulpit, sinners-in-the-hands-of-an-angry-God style. Remember that, ye catholics?

I feel good. Actually, I feel great tonight. I personally feel like I crushed it tonight at the wod. I have strength tonight, but it wasn't physical strength that I impressed myself with, it was my mental tenacity. I walked over to the stack of weights today and initially nagged at myself 'I can't do this.'  Then I stopped and forced my head to say "You CAN and you WILL."  And I did. I pushed.  When I wanted to quit, I continued; when I didn't want to pick up that bar anymore, that was the moment I squatted down to lift it up.  And puh-lease, can we talk about my kip? Saaaaa-weeet!  :)

My shoulder and neck are feeling great too.  It's pretty wonderful what physical therapy and hot yoga will do.  Maybe I'll turn that like-hate relationship with yoga into a like a bit more-hate relationship with yoga.

And speaking of yoga, that room was f'ing hot yesterday. I think we were running at about 100 degrees.  I kept inching my yoga mat back, closer to the supply closet door, where if you're lucky, a cool breeze of about 85 degrees will blow on you. The yoga pancake ass next to me was annoyed that I was eventually lateral to her, but that supply closet was my freedom. FREEEEEDOM.  I kept looking around at everyone to see if they too felt like we were in a sweat lodge, but the army of lululemoners yoga'd on on their fancy no slip mats--and me in my no name brand yoga gear on my cat-chewed yoga mat was stuck in the downward dog trenches waiting for the clock to strike 4:30.  

Well, I survived yoga, but alas, Nickelback did not survive me. Seriously, last night I had a dream that Nickelback was in a plane crash. For the record, I hate every single one of their stupid ass songs.  And apparently,  in my creative, vengeful vegan anger yesterday, my subconcious was killing Nickelback. Let's hope "this is how you remind me" died too.

Now, it would be disturbingly ironic if Nickelback was a group of vegans.

Signing off.

Vegan Pledge Days 17-22: The lady doth protest not enough

I'm a slacker at this blog thing, so what? It's not like the producers of Julie & Julia are knocking on my door  wanting to turn this into a movie.  If that was the case, the film would be 5 minutes long and would just feature us on the toilet.

I've been slacking for an abundance of reasons:
1) I've got nothing to say that anybody really wants to hear. See # 4 below.
2) I've been grumpy--my neck and shoulder injury is a pain in my ass and I'm watching my performance slide at crossfit.  It's been discouraging to watch everyone's weight on the bar move up, while I've seen my weight on the bar drop down significantly (and that's when I can even do any of the lifts).  I feel like I'm falling behind. The grumpiness has even impacted my cardio there.  I'm just not giving it my all. I need to get my head straight again and push it. I'm working on it.
3) I'm still vegan and there's no "omg, is she going to make it for 30 days?" Yes. I am. For life. I feel like it's the best decision that I've made in my grown-up life, the best decision to take charge of my body, my mental health, and my love for animals.  Took me years to get here comfortably.  I did my research. I'm good.
4) I don't want to proselytize (maybe I do), but I just learned a ton of shit more about factory farming that I wish I could shut out of my brain.  For tofucking sake people, learn about what goes into your mouth.  You say you love animals? I love my cats, but I bet if I had a cow, I'd love that cow just as much. What's the difference?  Learn about cows, pigs, and chickens' lives too.  In fact, look at pictures.  I just learned about these gestational cages basically, where a pig lays on its side basically it's entire life and just gets pregnant until it's no longer useful and then its killed. How great! Yay for assholes!!! How did we get here, people?

 Interestingly, I spoke with a photographer today who went to a local kimberton farm to do a piece. Well, the photographers for the magazine purposefully arrived a day early (as there were rumors of ill treatment and disgusting conditions).  The farmers made them wait two hours, while they got the animals "ready." The photographer poked around though--and that was the day she went vegan.  So in other words, a big F you to those local farms who claim they are righteous.  They're just like cage-free eggs--a big total myth.  At this point, in order to save my own head, I'm going to have to take some sort of step to turn anger into positive action.   Would you still be friends with me if I protest?  (I can hear the collective "no")

 p.s. did you know that by 2048 the worlds' supply of fish will be gone?

So let's talk about some topics that are near and dear to my fart.

Organic v. chemical veggies/fruits: What do you buy? Someone basically told me recently that I'm a jackass for buying organic as the laws around pesticides and organic-ness are loose and who's really enforcing them?  My take: buy what you want and I'll buy what I want. I do believe that there are companies out there who are trying to do good for the common good. Maybe I'm naive. I can live with that.  However, my husband is still annoyed at the price of organic foods and our grocery bill. I think I can find a way to settle that bill with him...

Vitamin D: D2 (vegan) v. D3 (non-vegan) Like most northern americans, I have a significant vitamin D deficiency (wonder if that's contributing to my energy levels).   My doctor tested me last year, advised me to take high daily dosage vitamin D and I never did.  So I'm sure that low number is even lower this year.  Being that my next physical is coming up, I ran out yesterday to buy vitamin D.  I went with D3 (only option at GNC). I've done a lot of research on what works best and D3 has been accepted by vegans and non-vegans alike, it's not the best, but....  I'm still on a search for a good form of D2. Not all hope is lost on me.

Anyway, I am too torn up about reason #4 up above to even continue. In fact, I wrote about organic fruit/veggies and vitamin D before the education around the other stuff.  But I just had to get it out. I'm not judging about meat eating (really, I'm not--I like my meat eating friends), but I'm sad, very sad for the lives that these animals are condemned to live. It's not fair. It's not kind. "It's not my problem."

Yes, yes it is. And environmentally, it will be our future generations' bigger problem.

Signing off.

Vegan Pledge Days 15 & 16: The big job of saving Princess Toadstool

Cool vegan: one who's awesome and does not bully her family into following her vegan lifestyle. One who has found the perfect balance of following her own personal path and allowing her family to choose theirs.  I know quite a few of these people, including one hobeast and one vegan pledge mentor, and I value their insight and their rejection of the Vegan police force.  That is the type of vegan I'm trying to be.  It's tough to STFU about it, though.  I've had to stop myself a few times.  BAD vegan (i hit myself on the nose).

Uncool Vegan:  this is the vegan I'm not trying to be: I thought it was wildly irritating when I called an old work friend (who is psycho raw vegan--in the nicest way, possible) and said, "guess what? I've made the change. I'm a vegan too! We gotta grab lunch together!!" Clearly, I was excited. Hence the exclamation points. And she said "Well, I guess." "Um, what?" I replied, "Have you defected? Are you no longer vegan?"  Answer, "well, no, but how can I call myself vegan when I drive to work everyday on LEATHER SEATS?"  (let your voice get higher and higher as you read that sentence)

FUCK. there's vegan levels in the vegan kingdom???? it's like freakin Mario 3--which I've never beaten--am I never going to reach level 8 super vegan? Will Bowser and his 8 children continue to stop me? Apparently so because, hell a raw vegan is better than a regular vegan, but then there's a super vegan who doesn't buy anything or touch anything or breathe in anything remotely animal-esque, and then there is super master level 8 animal rights protestor vegan which is basically untouchable--these are the people doing the dirty work so I can sleep at night.

I'm living in the vegan world, but I'm Mario with a limited time only vegan Luigi. We wear leather shoes, carry leather bags, and sit on our leather chair.   Even though we bought all that shit pre-vegan and I feel really guilty about it, it probably only gets me to level 3.  Maybe level 4 if you count our rescue of Cathy the rabbit  (who shit all over the floor and was stupid) and Kevin the cat (who I  have a co-dependent relationship with).

I hope over the years to incrementally get to level 7--and probably will stop there: I've got Luigi to focus on and feed; I've got more shitting rabbits, and emotionally unavailable cats to find, adopt and love. But I'll leave the big job of saving Princess Toadstool up to the super vegans who absorb the realities that most of us can't bear to hear.

Kudos, the world is a better place because of your efforts, but let's always strive to keep it cool. We can catch more flies with honey...damn it, see? I told you I was level 3.

Vegan Pledge Days 12, 13, & 14: Missionary Position? No thanks.

There's a picture that I have to paint--and my vegan friends may not like the colors that I'm going to use.

Tonight we had a post-holiday dinner with friends, a dinner in place for months--before we, as a unit, decided to take the Vegan pledge. The menu had been set in stone: it was to be a traditional thanksgiving feast.  And, vegan and non-vegan friends,  that menu was carried out tonight.  

This menu had been a source of contention between myself and my vegan pledge hubby.  I, who sees no turning back from the vegan lifestyle, wanted to shun the original menu and move forward with a vegan version.  My husband felt it was necessary to honor the palates of our guests.  Well folks, here's the naked tofufuckingtruth: there a certain fights worth fighting--and then sometimes,  all that matters is keeping that marriage dashboard green.  Hence, there was a turkey on the table (and the vegan selection of homemade soup).  Majority reached for turkey (yuck- not me!). Minority reached for soup. And the soup was totally kick-ass.

Look, I struggled with this blog post and I didn't want to even admit this menu with my vegan community, but I like my vegetable soup with a side of honesty.  Because guess what? Being vegan in a non-vegan world is tough as nails and my husband and I, we're human: as a vegan, I find that non-vegan people ask questions, make comments, have opinions--and share those opinions with vigor and force, like they can't (under)stand this decision I've made. Some people think that when you turn vegan, you've also adopted the sole mission of converting everyone around you.  I didn't accept a Missionary Position when I joined the vegan community, got it? [insert military salute] But ask and I'll answer.

I'll answer even those inane questions about scenarios: "you're in the woods, and there's nothing to eat but squirrel--and if you don't eat it, you'll die."  Guess what, your stupid f'ing scenario is just that, f'ing stupid. I'll eat bear shit in the woods if there's nothing to eat and if I don't I'll die.   In fact, there's a ton of shit I'd eat in the woods if it was a matter of life and death: including, but not limited to the aforementioned bear shit, tree bark, deer piss, squirrel eyeballs, butterfly wings, etc.  Why do people just want you to say that you'll eat meat again if there's an apocalyptic occurrence? Oooohh, you've got me! I admit it! I'll eat animals then! You've found the great loophole in veganism: the overarching human deeply-hemp-seeded will to live if I was stranded with no hope in the woods forever.  

Anyway, back to tonight's menu. Yes, I was hostess to a non-vegan meal tonight. I can feel the judgement rising up in the back of people's throats--the I told you so's!, the you're a bad vegan! but do me a favor and swallow them. I don't need anyone to be a missionary to me either. I didn't like the decision that was made, but I like my husband.

I need to count and appreciate the tofu-eggs in my basket:

• My carnivorous husband agreed to go vegan (holy shit, that's huge)
•  he did it to support me (totally huge)
•  he cooks vegan meals for us (can we say convenient?!)
• he willingly and openly shares the positive effects of his dietary lifestyle (brave and touching!), and he wants to continue being vegan...(holy shit, really?)

except for holidays --christmas, thanksgiving....(and boom goes the dynamite, taking with it all my vegan dreams for a vegan household with little vegans scampering around wearing cloth diapers and citing the china study)

Do I fight the fight? Is it worth it if he agrees to be vegan the other 363 days of the year? But what message does it send if we take the two biggest family holidays and serve something so against our (my) principles for the sake of ensuring that we have guests?  And what about when we have children...?

My head is spinning....I can't answer any of these questions just yet...good thing november is a long ways off.

Signing off.

Vegan Pledge Days 10 & 11: Pass the Dutchie to the lefthand side

We've hit double digits, folks. I'm on Day 11 of all vegan, no chocolate, no candy, and no bread/carbs sunday through thursday.  I'm doing a shit-ton of protein powder in the morning and post workout. I'm a lean, mean, vegan, shitting machine.

After a crap-filled day of an all-day offsite work meeting, I excitedly got ready to leave for the wod, but alas, the ass that I am, I left my lights on all day and my car battery had died. DAMN IT. Then, I called security to jumpstart my car, they came, hooked up the cables, and then the dude got a call that there was a medical emergency, and had to disconnect the cables DAMN IT (but hope you're okay, person-with-medical-emergency!) Soooooo, a half hour later, he was back, car was started, and I missed class. DAMN IT I could have gone to the later one, but whatever--at that point, I didn't feel like it, damn it.  (Also, the person with the medical emergency is alright, thankfully--I'm not soul-less, I really do care!)

Tonight Hubbykins and I went to Kimberton whole foods, where we bought ground flaxseed, organic canola oil (has a great 2-1 ratio of omega 3s to 6s...very important, google it), and hubbykins purchased his protein powder. He went with hemp, which if you don't know, is basically weed in a plastic container.  And I'm okay with that--as long as he passes his protein shake to the left.

G'night yall.

Vegan Pledge Day 9: pancake ass

I've got a like-hate relationship with yoga.    

I hit the mat today after more than a month off and was met with some major inflexibility (definitely need to work yoga back in my life more.) My goal was to help out my shoulder so I can get back into my regular routine on Tuesday, but I actually spent most of the time checking out yoga bodies in there.

Let me begin by saying that yoga is a great way to get yourself into shape, and it's a major component for success in my mind.  It's full of relaxation-breathing techniques-and forces you to focus on one task at a time and keep calm.  It forces you to lengthen your muscles and can help correct muscular issues.  You can certainly become psychotically flexible, and do some pretty cool shit, but alas, you can also wind up with  pancake ass. And that's what I saw in there, a lot of flat butt.

So what's my point? If you asked me 5 months ago what my idea of beauty was I'd probably point to the slender yoga girl in class.   She looks like most of the people who walked the Golden Globe red carpet last night--and said to have an "enivable figure" by People magazine. But turn that girl around, you see major pancake.  You don't see much muscle.  Sure she's skinny and can fit into an itty bitty dress (bitch!), but what's missing is that "healthy" look.

Now my way isn't the highway, but crossfit has slowly changed my personal perception of what beauty is--and trust me, that's a hard as hell habit to break.  Look at the runways:it's still full of the heroin chic look of the 90s (I still love you Kate Moss--and if that's the natural you, or anyone else, God bless ya, but you shouldn't be the norm, cause you're not).  Crossfit weirdly challenges you to focus less on weight, and more on what you see in the mirror, a.k.a pump up that butt. 

Gotta bring Veganism into this.  Being vegan challenges  me to do the same: focus on health, and not dieting.  I'm not in this to lose weight. I'm in this to eat according to my personal morals, and also to align my nutrition with my fitness goals.  When you're eating clean, I don't think there's a point to think of much else.  Virtually everything I'm consuming is a nutritional, conscious choice so that I can perpetuate my new idea of beauty--and go after muscle. But to get muscle, you need protein.

I gotta say that I'm questioning the vegan community about protein intake.    A lot of vegans laugh it off and say, " on the vegan diet, you don't need to worry about protein, you're getting enough,"  but I've tracked my protein intake:  On days when I don't consume my raw vegan protein powder, I'm short of the minimum recommended intake by vegan standards. I'm eating bunches of kale, spinach, beans, lentils, quinoa everyday.  My husband just tracked his daily average and he too is far below what he should be ingesting and his caloric intake is high enough.  We're going to have to find him a vegan protein powder as well.  Luckily,  the vegan president of the pledge group I'm a part of is athletic and she too is a vegan protein powder user.  Vindicated.

Anyway,  my idea of beauty isn't the red carpet girls: it's the girls in my crossfit class, the ones slowly taking off body fat, developing new muscle, and kicking ass. You girls are my new celebrities.  So I'm rollin out the red carpet for you and I'm putting the maple syrup away, cause ain't no pancake butt on my girls.

And speaking of pancakes, here's a recipe!
1 3/4 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup garbanzo flour
1 banana
1 tsp vanilla
2-2 1/4 cups water.

Preheat your waffle maker (if you have one. I don't, so I guess I'll never make these anyway)
Place all ingredients in blender. Blend thoroughly.
Pour mixture on waffle maker. Takes about ten minutes. If you open it too soon, it will pull apart.

Now who's got a waffle maker...Can I come for breakfast?

Vegan Pledge Days 7&8: You down with TVP? Yeah, you know me.

Last night I was too tired to write, so I'm combo-ing days. We had a dinner date with a couple at Birchrunville Cafe. Knowing that the menu was basically all game meat, I called ahead to let them know about my dietary restriction.  At first they said that they couldn't really accommodate me and I was probably only going to eat a plain salad and some veggies (shocker). 


Fast forward to the night of: my dinner far surpassed my expectations.  Their idea of accommodation was fantastic: I had a light pear, walnut, spring mix salad drizzled with a balsamic vinaigrette.  My entree: delicious artfully plated vegetables, including a cherry tomato/diced squash medley, mushroom crepes, broccolini, and green beans sauteed in olive oil and garlic, with pistachios.  My description is far from doing it justice. 


The couple at my table scarfed down their ostrich (vomit) and rack of lamb (puke) and I could tell that they were down with OPP, and wanted a taste of my meal. After all, it was pretty and perfect.  And the added bonus of being vegan, instead of the $30.00 entree, mine was $10.00.  HELL YEAH, cheap and yummy. 


Today was our 2nd Vegan Pledge meeting (or as a friend has termed it--vegan church). The hubs shared with the group that he has never felt healthier & doesn't crave meat. His digestive system has calmed down and all stomach issues that he regularly experienced have disappeared.  Now he just deals with constant shitting.  


Today, I ate something called TVP--and it was pretty darn good! It's defatted soy flour and contains 12 grams of protein per serving. Now, I wouldn't eat this on a regular basis, since it's processed and soy is a food that can be a digestive allergen (and I should know b/c if I take in too much, I have issues), but for a once in a while meal to please my non-vegan family and friends, not too bad.


Taco-licious
1 cup of TVP                              taco shells
1/2 white onion                           guacamole
1 TBS garlic                                salsa
2-3 TBS of Mexican spices         lettuce
1 bouillon cube
1 can of black beans
1 TBS oil


1. Cook TVP according to packaging with a cube of bouillon in water (super easy and quick)
2. Saute the onion and garlic in skillet
3. Add the TVP once onion is translucent
4. Add the spices according to your taste
5. Once TVP looks ready, add beans and stir


Keep moving the TVP mixture moving until it's brown and dry looking.


Now move on outta here. 

Vegan Pledge Day 6: yum yum uranium

The hubs called me today after a mini panic attack.  He had neon yellow radioactive piss, like something off the charts of the elements. Oh my God, he was thinking, "I have some weird vegan deficiency--something's wrong." But it turns out he had taken one of my B-2 vitamins that I take for migraines.  Not as scary as beets, and not as smelly as asparagus, but still pretty gross to see it glow in the bowl.

Later, he texted me and wanted to know "where all this poop is coming from?"

I'm too tired to write tonight, but never too tired to share the hub's observations on bodily fluids.

Signing off.

Vegan Pledge Day 5: I really don't want to vomit on you

I forgot my sneakers on a really hard wod (workout of the day) today and rocked my terribly cool lettuce-colored socks at the box.  On my last round of knees to elbows on that pull-up bar, I could taste it: the hummus-avocado-tomato-cucumber-collard wrap (and that means collard greens were the actual wrap part, not in the wrap) was coming up. Not because it was particularly gross, but because I was particularly fatigued--most likely a bit calorically deficient--working to failure, and there was a part of me that I had to silence: the part that said "just quit."

Instead, I mustered the breath to say to my fellow crossfitter "I really don't want to vomit on you." Cause I didn't. I can't imagine how cucumber and hummus looks on the way back up.  The response was simple, "you can do it, 5 more reps," and my fellow cf'er proceeded to count the reps and follow me through on finishing.

That show of support in a wod is just natural to the crossfit community to which I belong, yet I still find myself taken aback at times. I can't believe that you're all really rooting for me, but doggone it, you really are. You like me, you really like me!  Look, I'm neither the best nor the worst cf'er.  I struggle with any wod that requires upper body strength, yet before each and every wod, my comrades assure me that I can "crush it"--and the strange thing is, they really mean it. I don't believe it, but they believe in me.

This support has translated itself to my veganism.  If I look at the majority of blog responses on my facebook, its the crossfit community, friends I've known for only 3 months, telling me to "hang in there" while I'm detoxing in this diet, and then the next time they see me, asking me if I'm doing better, and really caring to know the answer and how I feel, and more than willing to share their experience with whatever change they've done!  It's the person saying, give me a call anytime-- I can help you with this, it's tough, but live it, love it and embrace it! It's the person who says, "you can do it, really, you just lack confidence--and we'll work to build it up." Or here's a vegan mexican chocolate muffin recipe-this should satisfy that sweet tooth (that's from a non crossfitter that I gots to show some love for!)

So I'm standing at the intersection of crossfit and veganism (please God don't let someone slam into the back of my car)--and who do I see? Someone who's here to build you up, someone who's here to count your reps, share a dietary anecdote, share a recipe,  advice and laughter.  Someone who is willing to risk a little vomit so that they can help you succeed because that's what matters most.

Thank you, my dear friends. I'll risk some vomit for you so you can get that muscle-up, chest to bar, or handstand push-up, anytime.